Self Pity Be Damned

Last year in November I went through Thanksgiving (was supposed to be the whole month) with a "thankful for" every day.  While it shouldn't be so difficult to come up with something I am thankful for every day, it truly was hard.  I really appreciated the challenge for that reason. 

 

 

With that said, I don't intend on taking this challenge again.  Except one, this is a story I don't tell often.  You will see why as you read on. 

 

 

Just over 8 years ago I was divorced and living in my parents unfinished basement.  My kids never went without food, shelter or clean clothes.  That is about the max I can say about my finances at that time though.  They didn't have a cute bedroom, they didn't have the name brand new clothes (they were little so I don't think they minded, but I did), they didn't have fancy toys or game stations.  I KNOW those are not necessary things for your child to have in order for their childhood to be memorable.  I KNOW!  It didn't change the fact that I felt that my choices had denied them the opportunity.

 

I spent New Years Eve 2005 alone.  My parents were with friends, my kids were with their father, my friends were at the bar...I was broke!  So at midnight I cried, of course!  Then at about 12:15 I realized that my situation was controlling me.  I was in a nasty catch 22.  I couldn't work because I had no sitter.  I couldn't take the kids to daycare, I wouldn't make enough money on a single income.  Oh how foolish and selfish I was to wallow in that pity for FIVE YEARS (my divorce had taken place in 2000).  I sat down that night on Jan 1st 2005 at 12:15 with a notepad and pen and I wrote out a list.  All the things that I felt were stopping me from controlling my life.  The list ended up being 2 pages long and some of the things I had no idea how I would accomplish.  I just knew that by the end of 2005 I wanted to do it.  I would start slow and I would make it happen!

 

Goal #1, I had to find a job.  I could not have done this without my parents.  I started working 5PM-1AM at a diesel company doing data entry through a temp company.  Yikes, it was hard!!  I had the weekends off so I was able to spend time with the girls, but I was missing so much.  Dinner, bath time, tucking them into bed with a story.  I cried when I thought about it, but I was putting money into savings during this.  I worked that job from Jan-May.  The company decided to hire me full time and I used my savings to move into my own apartment.  The girls each had their own room!  I was close enough my parents could still help out at night and things were finally starting to go my way. 

 

During that year I paid off all my outstanding debt, I started at Franklin Covey making enough money to pay daycare, and I finished off ALL 2 pages of that list!  It was a huge turning point for me!  That year on New Years Eve I spent it alone again.  This time in my own apartment with no tears.  I picked up take out and rented a movie and I spent the entire evening with a giant smile on my face!  Have you guessed what I am thankful for? Keep reading, I'm not done yet.

 

This post is 2 part because I went through a huge life change. The 2nd part was as big if not bigger than the first. 

 

It took everything inside of me to complete that year.  I was super proud of myself and so happy every day!  My Mom having seen me finally get motivated, decided I wasn't done.  She started telling me how one day she was going to die, I would be alone.  Let me tell you I didn't care!  I would live in my tiny little apartment alone if that is what it took.  Again, I WAS HAPPY!  Her telling me weekly about Dr. Phil started to wear on me though.  "Dr. Phil says online dating is the way to go.  Dr. Phil says it is safe and you can be yourself.  Dr. Phil says you don't have to meet anyone until you are comfortable."  Dr. Phil, my Mom and my Aunt were apparently conspiring together.  My cousin was getting the same lecture from her Mom.  So we sat down one night, with a bottle of wine and we filled out the online dating questionairre.  I even paid the $29.99 to activate the account. 

 

This was a Friday night.  I don't know the exact date Nathan and I started talking.  I know that by the following Friday we were talking over texts all day and night.  We were sharing information and really starting to like each other.  We were both single parents so it took 2 weeks for Nathan and I to meet each other face to face.  We had our first date (I think I will post that on the anniversary of our first date.  It's an awesome story that I originally planned on sharing here, but this is so long already!).  We have been together ever since!

 

So...back to what I am thankful for.  It took a lot of strength and dedication on my part to start my life in the right direction.  I also know that without a doubt I would not be where I am today without Nathan.  He is my rock!  He is my support system!  I am making another huge change in my life because of him. 

 

I AM THANKFUL FOR MY OWN STRENGTH AND MY HUSBANDS AMAZING SUPPORT!